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Episode 115 - Looking Forward To Farewell
July 23, 2015 01:46 AM PDT
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Is it that time already? Lo, brother (and/or sister) it is late and the candle has burned low. Over three decades and twenty-six alphanumeric symbols later the time has come to rest.

When we started this crazy show two and a bit years ago we could not have dreamed of how little anyone would care or how few people would listen. It truly has been an epic poke in the eye for the principle of the cream rising to the top. Not that I'm saying there was much intellectual value in this enterprise.

In this last episode Leo, keeping up his brash know-it-all smug superiority states that it was Daedalus that rolled a rock to the top of a hill in Greek mythology. Clearly it was Sisyphus. Daedalus got away scot free after acting like a massively amoral smug git for his entire life. And what did Sisyphus do really? Well, loads of terrible things as it goes. What was my point?

Yes, that's it, even at the last all the tropes are here, opening skit with fabulous production values, gentlemen we have a problem, Leo sounds like a know-it-all and then gets things horribly wrong, Justin leaves the cast halfway through due to other commitments... oh no, wait, that didn't happen. We missed one off the checklist. That's it, the finale is ruined.

So, listen to the 80s Kids discuss sharks and when things jump over them, other things this podcast could have been called, and why we'll be lurking in corners where you'll never know if we're going to pounce.

These are the last minutes of the 80s Kids Revenge, and they're the weirdest minutes you're likely to hear all week.


Episode 114: The 80s Kids ABC of Cinema - WXYZ
July 16, 2015 01:35 AM PDT
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Oh how the years have flown by, and so it is like letters of the alphabet so are the days of our lives. The 80s Kids have bested three and a half decades of genre cinema and they're not going to let the weird end of the alphabet get them down.

It's a three-of-four week so you can also speculate as to whether anyone will have picked a 'W'. X-citement will surely build to X-cruciating levels before, X-position being what it is the X-hausting truth will be X-posed.

Y? You may ask. Y all the terrible puns? Y ask Y when we ask Y not? After all it's our second to last chance so Y not cut loose and enjoy ourselves.

Finally we tackle the perennial problem of zombies. After all in TUV we talked about their charming bloodsucker counterparts. Do our movie monster choices have much to do with American politics? Well, there's only one way to find out the answer, and it will be one hell of a story.

Incidental music by incompetech.com

Episode 113: The 80s Kids Top 5 Films of the 00s Face Off - Part Two
July 09, 2015 02:45 AM PDT
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Gosh it seems like it's taken us a long time to get here. Which is BECAUSE IT HAS! Two and a bit years is a long time in anyone's book. If someone had put you in a box and buried you for that long you'd jolly well know about it by now... or maybe you wouldn't.

Anyway, here we are. The 80s Kids faves of the 00s are about to be known by one and, indeed all. The implication of this is that with a little careful re-examination of the archive you could build some kind of Uber List of 80s Kids top movies from the 70s, 80s, 90s and 00s. That's a lot of favourite movie action there people.

Anyway, now you're back after your impromptu film festival of the last four decades(ish) of cinema I have to tell you that you missed up to 8 important movies. Yes, you, you're always running off to do stuff without thinking it through.

The 80s Kids, and there are four of them, have two movies each yet to disclose. You went off to watch the rest and left these ones out. So you'd better sit down right now and listen to this podcast because only then will your life be complete*.

Incidental music by incompetech.com

*This may not actually happen. But it's a good podcast.

Episode 112 - The 80s Kids Top 5 of the 00s Face Off Part One
July 01, 2015 07:53 AM PDT
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You know the drill people, we start with 5 films, all withheld from each other's knowledge. We countdown from 5 to 3 taking turns to reveal our picks. Simultaneous choices could lead to harmonious joy or social awkwardness. Who knows which way it will go.

Leo's pretty confident that he won't be interfering with anyone else's picks in the first part of the countdown. Sue believes she hasn't picked anything that other people will have gone for. Ian and Justin are both more wary.

Will there be upsets? Harmony? Discord? Social Awkwardness? A rapidly shoehorned in Shia Lebeouf monster? There's only one way to find out!

... Yes... that's listen to the podcast. What did you think I meant? Hum. Okay, why would I have meant that? You need help.

Incidental music provided as ever by Incompetech.com

Episode 111: The 80s Kids ABC Of Cinema - TUV
June 25, 2015 01:55 AM PDT
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It's all getting a bit wild as we come to the end of the alphabet. Sure, T is a reasonably well behaved letter but U and V? Not many choices there... something will have to be done.

To deal with the crossed T up front. Leo feels like a life on the ocean wave could get eerily repetitive. Ian needs to go, quickly. And Justin's going to head straight for the toy cupboard and dig out an exciting musical with loads of top quality acting talent.

After that though, it's wild card time, expect the Unusual, the Unorthodox, the Unbelievable and, in a bizarre twist a possibility of Unicorn Umbrellas.

Perhaps best to calm down and take a nap. As long as the room where you do so is fixed up with garlic on the sills and an excellent south facing aspect. Sonar confusing noise-emitters might also prove a boon. You could put a crucifix over the bed but I'm not sure they're still in fashion. V is for Vampire and we're going to round the show off by posing the question what makes a good vampire flick?

Incidental music, as always, by incompetech.com

Episode 110: 2009 - Is That All There Is?
June 18, 2015 02:42 AM PDT
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The 80s Kids finally run out of road, chronologically speaking, this week as they arrive at their stated destination of 2009. This being the objective of their quest from the beginning. You would expect a chequered flag, a ribbon to break, champagne, fireworks.

Instead, and rather predictably, they just find a load of inconvenient questions...

Where does one file "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus"? Was it a good year to be a child? A sci fi fan? A horror fan? What if you like Literary Adaptations? Or just fancied a bit of a laugh? Or splosions? Everyone likes splosions! Surely?

There was certainly a good quantity of product on offer at the close of the noughties. How much of it was any good though? The 80s Kids roll up their sleeves and get stuck into a year like any other, desperately so.

In other news their mysterious nemesis, working on behalf of the evil arch-nemesis Big Bay, finally has the kids cornered. As they've managed to get this far without dying, and now their journey is at its end, you probably won't care much for the resolution of that plot strand though, will you?

Hardly incidental, and actually rather good, music provided by incompetech.com Awesome.

Episode 109: The 80s Kids ABC of Cinema - PQRS
June 11, 2015 01:30 AM PDT
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Perfectly primed the 80s kids begin the show reflecting on prejudice and pleasant times. Quite quickly though a queue forms querying the quixotic nature of the team's picks.

Rallying redoubtably the troops regroup to rethink. Reconnoitre random ripping yarns from the silver screen. Slithering slinkily within sight come some suspiciously sublime selections to round out the show.

If all that PQRS alliteration hasn't put you off then maybe themes of monochrome, stop motion, 70s style action, weird porcine adventures, voyeurism, ecology and the sad decline of bankable properties will.

The only way to find out is to take the plunge. Come on in, it's very pleasant.

Episode 108: And Now, The End Is Near
June 04, 2015 02:32 AM PDT
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SPOILER WARNING! This show is about the ends of shows. So the topic of conversation is necessarily spoiler-heavy. Listen with caution!

You had to know it was on its way. There's only one year left in the Noughties, those final Top 5s and we're a mere 7 letters from the end of the alphabet.

All that remains is for the kids to sweep up, arrange the barstools neatly and turn out the lights. Cue the emotional piano music, like all great shows the 80s Kids is winding up to the big finish.

So, before we take that last step into the arena of finality, why not take the opportunity to get all beardy that one last time?

In a conclusion to the "navel-gazing" strand of the cast Leo and Ian talk about show finales. They go hunting for the common threads in that most elusive of beasts: the satisfying conclusion.

"Lost" is bound to come up again, as it does, but there's also a look at "Star Trek: TNG", "Buffy", new "BSG" "Fringe", "Blakes 7", "Babylon 5", "Twin Peaks" and "The Shield" among others.

So as the roundabout slows try not to get anything in your eye. You can rest assured that the kids aren't going to go out in an "everybody dies" toys from pram kind of a finale.

Incidental Music by incompetech.com

Episode 107: The 80s Kids ABC of Movies: MNO
May 28, 2015 01:52 AM PDT
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There's some unexpected crossing over on 80s Kids Story Time this week where M and O provide a chance for the kids to find out what they have in common.

It turns out that Ian and Justin both feel some concern that they might be judged, in a cosmic sense. Justin and Leo, on the other hand, are just both at home among hairy gentlemen with big swords, but find luminous dragons an issue.

Aside from this the week's dark volume of lunatic tales ponders on the fatality that comes to British actors called Sean, the possibly copyright infringing silent creatures of the night, and numinous presences that take full advantage of the "N" loophole!

It's enough to drive anyone mad. Possibly best to settle down for a nice meal at a high altitude, and watch out for snipers on the way home from the registry office, won't you?

Music by incompetech.com